Senior News June, 2005 Vol. 24. No. 6

 

Published by the Humboldt Senior Resource Center in Eureka, California. HSRC is a non-profit community-based organization offering services for senior citizens, multi-generational families and caregivers.

Osteoporosis group celebrates five years

The consequences of physical inactivity

Prayer beads for spiritual health

Bereavement, grief, mourning, what's the difference?

Extra help with Medicare Drug Plans

New pain treatment offered

Pick up a copy today! Better yet, subscribe and never miss an issue!

Brought to you by

Moving Through Loss and Grief
Bereavement, grief, mourning, what's the difference?

Bereave means "to deprive, dispossess or strip from." It refers to the experience of uncontrollable loss (the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease or other dementias) that leaves the person feeling helpless. Grief is the emotional response to the loss and can involve a variety of feelings, such as sadness, anger, guilt and anxiety. Mourning is the "social face" of grief, or how we express grief to others. While bereavement is choice-less, grief is not. Grief work is an active coping process that involves choosing to move through and not get stuck in negative emotions.

Grief in Alzheimer's
A unique experience when the dying process is extended rather than sudden - as in Alzheimer's or other chronic diseases - grief is equally prolonged. Unique features of grief in Alzheimer's include

• Bereavement overload - a series of losses occurs across the disease, leaving the care-giver in a state of chronic sorrow.

• Unresolved issues are left unfinished as the individual loses the ability to communicate and empathize with the caregiver.

• While physically present, the individual becomes a stranger to the caregiver.

• Thinking of the person as "dead already" and encouragement to get on with life may shortcut the necessary grief process.

• In anticipation of decline and death, the caregiver may experience the greatest grief before actual death.

• A push/pull phenomenon creates feelings of ambivalence. While trying to let go, care-giv-ers are drawn closer to the person as dependency increases.

• Death may bring a sense of relief not readily understood by others.
Surviving loss

• Recognize that your grief experience is unique; grief doesn't follow a set pattern.

• Acknowledge and accept all thoughts and feelings that arise from the loss.

• Engage in healing as a continuous process.

• Anticipate problems like anniversaries and plan strategies to cope.

• Seek professional help when circumstances of the loss are more than you can handle.

Failing to grieve
Failing to grieve can result in persistent feelings of hopelessness. While occasional hopelessness during the dying process is normal, an all-pervading sense of doom is not. Persistent hopelessness is a feature of clinical depression and an indicator that professional help is needed.
healthy grief work

Rather than detaching totally from the affected person or becoming engulfed in the relationship, the caregiver forms a healthy bond, characterized by an ability to balance the needs of both parties.

Hope is diversified, with the caregiver redirecting the focus of hope from a cure to comfort, dignity, intimacy….

A continuing bond is formed in which the caregiver is able to draw on the inspiration and influence of the person internally, even as decline and death occur.

This article was written by Cordula Dick-Muehlke, Ph.D., executive director of Adult Day Services of Orange County, and it is reprinted with permission of the author.

Join the Alzheimer's Day Care and Resource Center for a free training event, "Facing Multiple Losses in Caring for Persons with Dementia" at 5:30 p.m. June 23 at the Humboldt Senior Resource Center.